are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
