He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
where are my eyebrows?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
