It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my phone needs a breathalizer
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
