I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
