so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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