Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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