He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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