i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
