omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
