So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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