whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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