I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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