I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
