omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
