i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
