I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
