You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
