There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How does it feel to date your dad?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
