now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
