Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
