Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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