make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
