hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
