What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
