I wish my penis had an off switch
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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