she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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