I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
