he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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