Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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