??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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