I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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