remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
