I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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