Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
