I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
