watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
