i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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