Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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