someone threw a dead crab at me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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