as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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