dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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