Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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