what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
