ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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