can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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