highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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