I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
