Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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