she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
