I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
