only you would photoshop your dick
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
