happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
