It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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