Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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