Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
