I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
