He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
