i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
