so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
