Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
