I just saw a hot homeless man
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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