I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
