Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
