I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
