my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
