I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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