he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
