DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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