He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
