Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
