man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
