i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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