You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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