Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize