The best revenge is premature balding
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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