At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
