She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
