she smelled like a LAN party
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
as a side note pls kill me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
