The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Your tits are I can't wait for
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
