So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
