He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
