So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
