I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
