Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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