they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I party with great urgency now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
