You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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