"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
