$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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