Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
