well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
